Recently I’ve reconnected with a few old friends (funny how major operations can sometimes prompt that), and it started me thinking about the relationships I’ve built over my fairly storied career. I’ve done a few things over the years. I started off in a sort-of journalist role back in the late 80s; editing London Stock Exchange company news releases that rolled off a huge dot-matrix printer. There wasn’t much contact between editors and clients, and that suited this bookish introvert just fine.
As I moved around in the publishing world and moved into other sectors, it became increasingly apparent that relationships were at the core of good business. Many of my best jobs have come about through personal recommendations, or from someone asking me a question about my particular area of expertise. Despite that I’ve never seen myself as the sort of person who can work a room or attend ‘networking’ events comfortably, so what to do? How do I get clients and fellow professionals to see me as a trusted person, and not just someone who does stuff?
It took me a while, but listening is a key skill. I can talk for England and South Africa on many subjects, but I prefer leaning into the natural curiosity that led me into journalism; asking questions and listening carefully to the answers.
Being present, asking open questions, and – most importantly – listening to the answers is key to building trust
I can still improve. I lose focus easily in conversations and have a habit of wandering off down Tangent Boulevard, as an ex-colleague once said. But being present, asking open questions and, most importantly, listening to the answers (rather than the voice in my head and waiting to ask the next question in the script) is possibly the best way to start building trust.
My other superpower is that I show up. Clients and colleagues know what I’m capable of, and are confident that I will always try my best to meet their expectations. I’m honest about my capabilities and I set realistic expectations. If I can do more, that’s great. The people who work with me know that even my MVP will exceed their requirements.
So what did I really want to say here in this slightly rambling post? I want to reassure other bookish introverts that you really don’t have to put on an extrovert mask to win friends and influence people in the workplace.
Instead, focus on building trust by leaning into what makes you great. Develop active listening skills, practise empathy, become a rock of dependability, and keep on being your authentic self.
Sarah Slade 